1. |
Exposition
01:58
|
|||
Mankind has been ruining the planet for a long time
They couldn’t kick the habit
Of burning fossil fuels
Greta called us fools
The planet couldn’t hack it
Now oh my god, we’ve had it!
First came the earthquakes, volcanoes and floods
They wiped out the economy and closed all the pubs
The planet is collapsing
So we thought we should get packing
And isn’t this a handy bit of
EXPOSITION!
We need space ships!
But we don’t have the resources
So thank god
For the Elon Musks and Jeff Bezosses
Those lovely billionaires
Who really really care
They built a load of rockets
(And made a tidy profit)
Facebook, SpaceX and Amazon were at it
But we got Alan Sugar’s Amstrad SpaceMatic
It’s fully automatic
And also sends faxes
This really is a cracking bit of
EXPOSITION!
But just before we leave there’s a few jobs left
And to make sure the move is a big success
The government selected the best of the best
Sounds like a perfect job for Jess!
What will be my legacy?
What’s the really cool job that I’ll be doing?
Probably something really brave I reckon
To make me a superstar. A legend.
Legacy
They’ll make a statue of me with a great big bosom
Now any moment we shall see
What will be my legacy…
|
||||
2. |
Is This My Legacy?
00:34
|
|||
Is this is my legacy
Copying a few files off a USB stick
It’s not your typical Hero’s journey
It’s hardly Dwayne The Rock Johnson worthy
Legacy
Well, it could be worse I guess. At least it’s…
not too complicated
And quite stress free
What a boring legacy
|
||||
3. |
Tribute To Disney
03:48
|
|||
We’ve got to pay tribute to Disney
But we can’t put one foot wrong
Cos Disney’s lawyers, well they’ll destroy us
If we use a single real Disney song
The planets crust might be breaking,
Mickey Mouse will still be litigating
So let’s hope they don’t see this bit..
“Okay everybody, what’s your favourite Disney song? There are so many to choose from!”
I like the one about the beast
who wants to take a beautiful girl on a date - It’s called beauty and the… No! No, I didn’t say it!
It’s called Hot Girl And The Man Punching Above His Weight
“And it’s got that beautiful song…”
The crockery can talk,
you can chitchat with this plate,
Then cover him in flan,
Hot Girl And The Man Punching Above His Weight
One film down - but we must have the one about the guy who was king of the lions.
It’s called um….
The Best Lion - anyway
It’s got this bit where Simba, I mean Simon
Is sat under the stars with his girlfriend Pat
They’re looking at each other and it’s so romantic
And the music goes like this…
Are these lion about to shag,
it looks that way to me
I didn’t sign up to watch Lion pornography
Let’s see what’s on ITV!
Or the one about the chilly girl
And she freezes things it’s called… Brrrrr
It’s got that great song about letting it go and it goes a little bit like this…
Let go of it,
Let go of it,
God it’s bloody cold out here,
Let go of it
Let go of it
Going out was a thick idea
Oh nice coat! I wish I’d bought mine.
But it looked alright this morning
So I thought oh fuck it, it’s probably fine.
But my very favourite Disney film
Is the one about the mermaid
She’s half fish half woman
and it’s called The Little merma..no!
It’s called the tiny fish girl
And the greatest Disney song for me
is the one about her wishing she could leave
the sea
(Bubbles)
These films mean so much to us
So Minnie Mickey Donald Goofy please don’t sue us
And come and see the show.
That would be the best! Be our Guest!
Shit!
|
||||
4. |
Clever Jess
00:50
|
|||
Clever Jess! Clever, clever jess
Solving all the problems
Absolutely nailing it
Look at me! Clever clever Jess
Careers going great
Doing voices is a real job
Gonna be famous - be a really big star
Cos I’m the best. And my legs are not too short
Saving the world - through the power of my brain
Like a sexy version of Bruce Willis in Armageddon
Yes I might have lied about my age
But nothing bad has happened - so lying is fine!
Time to look really hot and save the world
Is it a bird? No!
Is it a plane? No!
Is it a beautiful lady?
Yes it is and her names Jess
Clever, clever Jess. Yes!
|
||||
5. |
||||
KATE BUSH
You should’ve done more recycling
And washed out those Marmite jars
You should have all taken up cycling
Or started driving hybrid cars
LILY ALLEN
You should have paid attention to our famous faces
When we were saying just how fucked the human race is
OLIVIA RODRIGO
But it didn’t stop you
Look where it’s got you
LILY + OLIVIA
I bet you feel stupid, but hey
KATHERINE JENKINS
We told you so
We told you so
I guess we were right all along
We told you so
We told you so
How could anything Bono or Cher says be wrong?
DOLLY
You idiots ruined the planet
Now off into space we must go
THE QUEEN
So, great job. Thanks a lot.
We told you so
V2
ALANIS
You should have all gone vegan
No more animals, have beans instead
But you had to go and eat them
GRETA
Now every cow is dead
SHAKIRA
We tried to save you losers
We showed such compassion
We bought Toyota Prius’s and sang Imagine
BABS
It sounded gorgeous, but you ignored us
Now look, you've made Chris Martin Cry!
JESSIE J, BABS, GRETA, SHAKIRA, ALANIS, KATE BUSH, LILY, OLIVIA,DOLLY QUEEN
We told you so, we told you so
Do you hear the Celebrities sing
We told you so, we told you so
But oh no I guess you know better than Sting
JULIE ANDREWS
It seems you weren't paying attention
Well now you must reap what you sew
When the earth explodes, just note -
We told you so!
BRITNEY
Jess is super stressed now
She’s really shitting bricks
There’s only half an hour left now
Why did you give her this job you pricks
ADELE
Olivia Colman made some funny choices
MARGE SIMPSON
You can’t save the earth with funny voices
ARIANA
Ariana riffs
MARGE SIMPSON
That’s right Ariana, good point.
ALL
We told you so, we told you so
PALOMA
This job’s too important for Jess
ALL
We told you so, we told you so
AGUILARA
She can’t save the world, she can barely get dressed
IDINA
She’s failed to meet expectations
And christ they were already low
GAGA
Well great job thank’s a lot
What do you think Gal Gadot?
GAL
She ballsed it up that’s what
We told you so!
|
||||
6. |
In The Bin
03:28
|
|||
Look at these awful men
We idolised them? The dirtiest pigs in the pen?
Chris Brown? R Kelly? Rolf Harris?
I’d better go sort this shit out forever, amen (AMEN)
I’ll defeat this beast. Deplete the creeps
And start fresh with a clean sheet
No new free toys for the yew tree boys
Just (CLICK) select all and hit delete
There’s too much so we should downsize
And I know just where to put these guys
In the bin, in the bin
Let the cancelling begin
All the nonces and the ponces
Bag them up and throw them in
Mr Savile! Sorry, Jim
It seems there’s no room at the inn
There’s no spaces on our spaceship
But we’ve saved you all a place here in the bin
Right! Let’s do some clearing out
Let’s give the world something to cheer about
Cos when I look here I sincerely doubt
We’re gonna miss these pricks so hear me out
Katie Hopkins. Do we need her? No!
Dorries? Sorry! Nadine’s gotta go
She can find solace with Boris and co
Help him get all of that coke off his nose
I’ll help the people of earth go free
But if they do not agree with me
Get in the bin, in the bin
Let the cancelling begin
All those angry little weirdos
Bag them up and throw them in
There’s no Karenns, twits and Terfs
Plus no gammons, twats and berks
So sorry Piers! Sorry Eamon!
There’s a seat here with your name on in the bin
“What gives you the right?”
The fact that I can, little man. I can do what I like
And I like this game, it’s fun
I’ve had a little taste of power and mmmm YUM!
So why stop here? I got the ability
To send all my enemies straight to the guillotine
Anyone who ever made me feel grim
Well it’s payback time, gonna put you in the bin.
This is so liberating! Mum was right! Do you guys want to have a go?
When I say a name, and you want to put them in there, just shout out ‘in the bin’
Are you ready? Of course you are.
Nigel Farage! (In The Bin)
Prince Andrew (In The Bin)
Skeletor (In The Bin)
Dill! (In The Bin)
Adolf Hitler (In The Bin)
Michael Palin (in the Bin)
SFX: RECORD SCRATCH
JESS: Michael Palin? Were you even listening? That was a test and you failed! You’ve obviously gone mad with power.
MUSIC back in.
In the bin, in the bin
Time for Jess to finally win
Those who mocked me, those who crossed me
Bag them up and throw them in
Like Jamie Mansell in year 8
Who said he’d kiss me if I lost weight
Cos he couldn’t face his mates
With me so keen on clearing plates
So I did! I got thin
Alright dysmorphia, you win
I shed all that excess skin
But when I tried to get with him
He said “Sorry skinny, big bums are in
And plus I miss the double chin”
Well Jamie Mansell, now you’re cancelled
So go fuck your fucking self right in the bin
In the bin, in the bin
Let the cancelling begin
All of U2? Fuck it, you too!
Bag them up and throw them in
Goodbye all those total nobs
God I bloody love this job!
See you later, masturbators
I hope you all enjoy your stay there in the bin
|
||||
7. |
Legacy
04:23
|
|||
I’ve got to board that Spaceship
Gotta get out while I can
I tried to save Earth’s culture
But it didn’t go to plan
Well, never mind, forget it
Who needs it anyway?
Let’s chuck this rubbish in the bin
Then turn and fly away
I will climb aboard that shuttle
Learn to juggle next to Hucknall
Watch the planet turn to rubble as we go
All that art? They’ll reproduce it
And we can always write more music
Plus I hear Mick’s brought his acoustic…
Oh no…
A world with no TV shows
No sign of Ant & Dec
No Masterchef, no Strictly
Rest in peace, Anton Dubec
No Danny Dyer, no Sonia
All erased without a trace
All those shows that we’ve Sky Plussed
Real Housewives! Ru Paul’s Drag Race!
Yes, some folks might say they’re tacky
But these things make people happy
So we can’t let Downton Abbey fade away
Cos life is hard enough already
Without forgetting Lorraine Kelly
And the many little joyful things that get us through the day
All the songs we danced to
Well our kids should have them too
West Life, Take That, Girls Aloud,
The Spice Girls, Five and Blue
We need these simple pleasures
After all that we’ve been through
Olivia I know what I must do
This is my legacy
All the little things that make life less rubbish
Cos when it’s raining you need a brolly
When you’re in pain you need Phil & Holly
Legacy
Tiny flashes of joy, well that’s what love is
So take it and remember me
That shall be my legacy
This is my legacy.
All the little things that make life less rubbish
Ever onward through joy and sadness
Never fear cos at least you have this
Legacy tiny flashes of joy well that’s what love is
Take it and remember me
This will be my legacy.
|
Jess Robinson Brighton, UK
Meet the mulit award-winning musical comedian & star of Spitting Image, Jess Robinson. She's showcased her talents across
the stage, screen &
airwaves; gigging at The Royal Albert Hall, Palladium & Edinburgh Festival with her incredible band; Jessington World Of Adventures. Their podcast - 'Stars In Your Ears' was nominated for a British Podcast Award, in The Best Entertainment category in 2021.
... more
Streaming and Download help
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp